Overheard Subbing 10: Phone Calls in the Middle of Class

These kids today with their “MTV” and their “marijuana cigarettes!”

Now, before every class every day since the first incident, I say, “You may listen to music when you finish the first 10 problems. I don’t want to hear it so keep your earphones on and the volume down. No texting. If you take or make a call, I will call the office to come take your phone. This is your only warning.” (I say the last sentence because they must “receive a warning” on the first offense of just about everything).

Then I get to listen to “Why are you so mean?” “You can’t tell me what to do!” “Our teacher lets us!”

I’ve had four incidents where a kid makes or take a call in the middle of class and they all took place in the last month. The worst thing (okay the second worst thing) is often they make no effort to hide it.

1st Episode Blah Blah High School:
Me: What the…? I said not to take calls! I’m calling the office to come and take your phone.
Not So Respectful Guy: Let them try to take my phone! Snitch!
Me: I’m a substitute teacher. I get paid to snitch.

2nd Episode Yadda Yadda High School:
Me: I’m calling the office.
Victim Girl: But she called me!
Man: OMG, are you cereal? Are you totally cereal? I’m not going to take the bait and explain what you already know by saying, “Well, you know you just because she called you during class you don’t have to take the call…. Oh wait, I just did.”

3rd Episode Whaaa? Middle School:
Me: Busted! I’m calling the office.
Only kid who bothered to try and hide his phone call from me: I was calling my mom.
Me: Let me see your last call. It says, “Emily.”
OKWBTTAHHPCFM: That’s my mom’s name.
Me: Tell it to the judge.

4th Episode: Whaevah High:
Me: I’m calling the office.
Girl who left an explicitly sexual message for her boyfriend in a very loud voice: I didn’t do anything! Sick of teachers thinking they can tell me what to do!
Two other peers: She didn’t do anything!

The assistant principal came. (How do these people do that job?! Saints I tells ya! Saints every one of them!) I got called names as she left insisting she was a victim and didn’t do anything. She also said I was ugly. The noive a dat goil!

(I’m not ugly am I?)

Within the next two minutes both of her friends stormed out acting like I was a tyrant and they were victims. They chose In Class Suspension (ISS) over the couple worksheets the teacher left them. Damn my evil dictatorship!

I do want to say that I’m good at diffusing conflict and winning kids over with my insanely charming wit. I say, “Make sure you start rumors that I’m cool too.”

“We will.”

“You kids are the greatest. Now let’s pass around the marijuana cigarettes and put on the MTV.

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