Archive for April, 2011

Overheard at an AA meeting 6: Gold, Glory and God

“Be careful what you pray for you just might get it. I decided for some reason I needed some gold. So I prayed for it and soon discovered I had cavities and God answered my prayer by put gold fillings in my teeth.”
-Anonymous

Okay, this is a most frustrating thing for Agnostics/Atheists/Secular Humanists to listen to. Were there a compassionate, omniscient God, don’t you think he’d know damn good and well what this guy meant when he prayed for gold?

When I ask what to do with this image of a pedantic jerk God that so many of us can’t shake, I’ve been told, “Fire that God and get a new one.” That sounds like a great solution! I’ve yet to do that successfully for over 25 years.

More later.

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Overheard subbing 3

I can’t wait till these kids’ 10 year reunions when they realize how ridiculous they look with their butts hangin out their britches.

Just like the class of 85 did when we looked back on pegged, pleated Levis; white parachute pants with matching painter hats; Blue Blockers with blinders on a string, permed, side burn-less mullets; two swatches on the same wrist and oversized long sleeve sized shirts buttoned to neck and secured with a bolo tie or a broach.

Please tag the blog with other fashion travesties…

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Overheard subbing 2: My delightful elementary school music kids

-Okay you six, make a row. No, just one row. Here. Here. Right here. COME HERE! Thanks. And you six, make please come make a line here next to them. Here. Next to this line. You, right here. Behind her. Sit please. Sit. SIT! You know how this works, guys.

Mister! Mister! Can I go get a drink?

-Yes…

Can I get a drink too?

Can I?

Me too!

-No everyone sit and let’s make a third line next to this line. Sit. Sit on your bottom. Sit down! Sienta te, nino! Now make 3 more lines just like we did with the first 2.

Can I get a drink?

-Yes. Wait. Hey you! That’s enough water. Stop playing in the water. Other people are thirsty.

Stoooopp, Courtney!

He said stop, Courtney!

Couuuurtney!

He said stooooop!

-Ssshhh everyone, I’ll take care of it. Come sit Courtney. Now come on guys, make those rows like I asked! Come on! This isn’t hard. Play smart. Don’t play like you aren’t smart. Quiet down. Quiet. QUIET! CAYATEN NINOS Y NINAS.

Hey I don’t speak Spanish.

-Well follow the English I’ve said countless times. Thank you. Okay. Stop playing and pay attention. Put that down! We’re not using the xylophones. Put it down. Put it down!!! Give it to me! NOW!!!! Now! Shhhh everyone. Give me that stick!!! NOW!!!

Mister! Mister!

-It’s “Mr. Nash”

Do you know Steve Nash?

-I don’t what’s your question?

Uhm. Uhm. Um…. I don’t know.

-Okay guys sit, crisscross applesauce! NOW! Do I need to take part of the dollar off?

Can I get a drink?

-No more drinks until we get settled and sing Michael Finnigan. Come on and lets sing….”Poor ol’ Michael Finnigan. He had whiskers on his chinnagin…” Please sit down. What’s your name? What’s your name? WHAT’S YOUR NAME?!!!

Me?

-No, I’m talking to the guy outside that’s why I’m looking at you.

F’real?

-No for fake. What’s ur name?

Mister, why u be yellin?

-WHAT IS YOUR NAME!!!

He said tell him your naaaame Lupe.

-Lupe? Is that it? Lupe. Hands to yourself. EVERYBODY STOP TALKING!!!

(Repeat 5 periods, 3 days)

PS: Fuck Micheal Finnegan, his whiskers, his fishing pole, his chinnagain, his scraped knee, his flayed skinningan and every other irritating thing he does infinitely for two lines!

They don’t need folk music (except maybe Loudon Wainwright and Peter Paul and Mary).
Just do classical, skip folk and children’s songs (they get plenty of that shit at home) and do Ragtime, Jazz, Blues, Rock and Roll, Pop, Soul, World music, Country, Hip Hop and Rap (Pretty much everything Whitie stole from Black people. And teach them about Bourgeois, hegemonic co-optation).

And make the class sizes smaller and feed them food that doesn’t make them hyperactive!

There. Yes. Thanks. As you were.

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Overheard at an AA meeting

“I didn’t get get drunk, I got fabulous. I didn’t slur my words, I started speaking in cursive.”

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A song I remember from my dream…

I actually remembered a song I wrote in a dream and it’s actually good.

It’s a children’s song.

In my dreams I saw an autistic non-verbal girl who I’d worked with before. She was with a TA or helper of some sort. She gritted her teeth, visibly angry and scratched the woman who was trying to guide her. (This was way out of her real world character).

I came up and said, “Hey — let’s walk.” She scratched me.

“Ow. Don’t do that please. You can be angry and walk.”

My rationale was that we can all keep doing stuff even when we feel anger or sadness or anything else. Like me and many of we moody procrastinators can still work even if we’re pissed, etc.

So the song is:

You can be mad and walk.
You can be mad and walk.
You can be mad or glad or sad.
But you still gotta get yourself to walk.

Of course the verses are infinite. But the main thing for me is I can be — and still work.

You can be mad and work.
You can be mad and work.
You can be mad or glad or sad
But you still gotta get yourself to work.

(Eat your heart out, Fred Rogers, you bitch!)

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Overheard at an AA meeting, 4

“Before I came here, I had two feelings. Hungry and horny.”

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Less is not more. Less is less.

enter zip, send email to ur state senator. save kids from lesser education: http://action.aft.org/c/435/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=1993

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